A Psychotherapists Dating Advice for Women Over 40
When I was 45, sick of being single, and determined to meet up my man, I turned to a therapist for help. At the time there were no dating coaches and very few psychotherapists which gave dating advice for women over 40.
Thankfully, being the nice Jewish gal that I am, I had no problem going straight to a shrink.
Lucky for all of us, now there is dating and relationship advice for women over 40 from all quarters. So, when I discovered Rachel Dack, who is both a licensed clinical professional counselor AND a dating and relationship coach, I just had to pick her brain.
Let me reveal my interview with Rachel:
You are a licensed psychotherapist, also as a leading woman’s dating expert. What a great combination! Please share with us what you observe while the main barriers preventing women over 40 from achieving love?
The main barriers preventing women over 40 from achieving love are personal insecurities, lack of self-love and low self-esteem.
Feeling unworthy or undeserving of love paired with a lack of dating success causes some women to believe these negative philosophy are true and won’t change, which inhibits their ability becoming hopeful and open around men.
These mental blocks generate an unhealthy mindset about themselves, men, dating, love or relationships and sadly hold them back from creating genuine connections.
These women may be going on dates and meeting numerous available men, but their negative mindsets and self-sabotaging philosophy are problematic when reinforced over and over again.
They may desperately want a man, but they are faced with a inner conflict because they view men while the enemy which can’t be trusted.
They may play the sufferer, blame themselves for their dating failures, feel intense anger toward men or lead with sex.
They may play games, have unrealistic expectations, sabotage developing relationships or struggle to believe a man could genuinely be interested therefore, they keep men at a distance.
Another main barrier women over 40 face is unresolved baggage, emotional wounds or upheaval from the past.
Frequently yesteryear trickles into the present and impacts dating, so despite many women feeling open and ready for love, they approach dating with walls and activated defense mechanisms for protection or they pick the wrong men altogether.
They may possess a cynical or jaded view of men or relationships because they’ve been burned before and want to ensure they are not hurt again. It can feel challenging for them to keep hope alive and trust men.
Dating without having a healthy, hopeful mindset and lack of resolution about the past actually leaves many women less offered to high quality men.
Actively dating, putting ourselves ‘out there can be exhausting! What self-care practices do you recommend that will boost our ‘dating self-esteem and keep us from wearing out and even giving up?
Healthy self-care practices is going to make dating feel more tolerable and fun, despite the potential pros and cons and help you cultivate more self-love.
First, if dating isn’t going well or doesn’t feel natural for your requirements, resist the urge to give yourself a hard time or put yourself down.
Dating advice for women over 40: ‘First, if dating isn’t going well or doesn’t feel natural for your requirements, resist the urge to give yourself a hard time or put yourself down.
There’s a lot you could do in order to make dating feel better and how you communicate with yourself makes a big difference for your love life.
Understand that the healthier and happier you feel, the better dating will go, so do everything in your power to date as your best, most authentic and most confident self!
Below are a few recommendations:
- Use strategies, such as for example visualizing the date going well, reciting an empowering mantra and using mindfulness or meditation exercises pre-date, to relax dating nerves and jitters.
- Participate in activities and hobbies that bring your delight or relaxation while ensuring your existence is more than constant dating.
- Make dating a priority, but also invest time in developing yourself as being a whole person and taking good care of yourself.
- Whether it’s a bubble bath, pedicure, brunch with girlfriends, jogging, yoga, travel, hike in nature or new hobby, self-care activities is there to rejuvenate you.
- Set an intention to meet each date with an open mind and heart and commit to learning and growing through each dating experience so that you can date more mindfully and intentionally.
These practices will also breed more confidence and balance. It really is essential to nurture yourself and your other relationships regardless of how dating is going.
A holistic approach to dating, healthy self-care practices, personal growth and freedom from the past will allow you to feel more empowered and lead to more successful dating outcomes.
Men ‘disappearing or not calling us back after the first date or two (especially when they say they will) can be so hard to deal with. What are your tips for dealing with dating rejection?
Rejection is sadly an inevitable part of dating, so be careful in assuming anything is wrong with you or you are inadequate.
Regardless of how amazing you will be, there will be some men who don’t want to date you and vice versa.
Getting declined may actually have little to do with you and is frequently linked with his or her own emotional accessibility, maturity and timing. Long story short, rejection is unavoidable, no matter how much you have to offer.
Don’t take rejection directly or let your worth depend on what men/others think of you or your relationship status. This is usually a dangerous solution to live!
Understand that dating is vulnerable and there is a high potential for rejection, but it’s worth every penny to locate your special person.
It’s natural to need some time to bounce back from a rejection or breakup and that’s okay, but don’t give up on your dating and relationship goals.
Allow yourself to feel the pain and grieve the loss while staying aligned with your goals and learning from dating mistakes and mishaps.
If you are noticing patterns that may be causing being rejected (for example, multiple men say you appear cold, distracted or uninterested), do the work to cultivate insight and closure, learn important lessons and stay optimistic.
Rachel Dack is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC), and dating and relationship coach for men and women. She actually is a relationship expert for eHarmony and is the leading women’s dating expert for http://www.datingadvice.com/. Rachel offers psychotherapy and coaching services in person and by phone through her private practice, Rachel Dack Counseling LLC, positioned in Bethesda, Maryland. Rachel’s areas of expertise include dating, relationships, self-esteem, anxiety, and breakups.
Hi. That is Nancy here, writing for Bobbi who is bopping around Europe with her hubs. They will be celebrating their in a few days!
Since she’s on vacation, I’m taking this opportunity to brag on her behalf.
Bobbi was featured in a great article published about her, Date Like a Grownup, and her cutting-edge coaching program, Over-40 prefer School. That is big news in the industry.
If you’re curious about learning more about Bobbi and what’s up at Date Like a Grownup, read the article here.
Here’s a little snippet:
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This coaching program presents Bobbi’s signature 6-Step Find Hope in order to find Him System, which she perfected through decades of private coaching, in an easily digestible group format.
Over-40 Love School is a six-month program packed with deep emotional insights. She prompts participants to focus on themselves, get clarity on what they want, and, well, date such as a grownup.
Isn’t that cool?
As Bobbi’s clients will tell you, when you finish working together with her you are NOT the exact same person. Paradigms shift, limiting philosophy are challenged, hope is reignited, and self-love increases.
Bobbi’s coaching doesn’t just skim the outer lining. Working together with her in this program is a deep dive, while the article goes on:
‘This work is hard, she said. ‘We go damn deep. It’s not at all for sissies or women who are seeking a fast solution. And it’s only for women who are willing to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes.
Does that sound like you?
Give the article a read. It’s positively worth every penny.
And, I know once you take a glance at this article you’ll want to be described as a part of her groundbreaking coaching program, like School 2019 (featured into the article). If you’d like to be on her ‘First to Know listing go here.
Now i am aware – for the first time in my entire life — that there is a Good Man nowadays for me.
I am fortunate enough to be one of many 25 Women in this semester of DLAGU prefer School. I am 60 and my track record is pretty dismal. Divorced, too many really bad relationships to count, and not any hope of finding anyone.
If you are thinking about doing Bobbi’s Over-40 Love School I would give you only one piece of advice, Trust This Woman.
She actually is The Buddha, Yoda, All Knowing Sage when it comes to teaching over-40 women what to accomplish to meet usually the one. Now i am aware – for the first time in my entire life — that there is a Good Man nowadays for me.
With the tools, independent work, and real-life advice Bobbi’s given us, I go out and feel completely at ease in my own skin. That is real stuff we are doing that eventually gets us to a destination I was not even aware of. And this destination feels so excellent.
I was sharing an experience with Bobbi & the class. It was about me appearing as my truest and most confident self. It was a stunning little story, I was proud to generally share. Bobbi’s reply to me said it all ‘Welcome to the new Life! Thank you Bobbi for kindly leading me there.
I asked my Facebook community ‘What do you really enjoy doing as being a single woman that you would NEVER want to call it quits in a relationship?
I wondered because i am aware that before I was married at 47, I had the impression everything in my own life would have to change drastically.
That worried me. I liked my life.
Seems the women in my own Facebook community feared similar. Below are a few of their answers:
That is part of what keeps lot of us single, right?
We believe that individuals might lose things we love about our perfectly fine single life. Girlfriend time, peace and quiet, buying things no questions asked, and, as one woman said, ‘The things that make me ME.
The reality is, of course, there clearly was compromise in just about any relationship. When Larry and I joined our lives there were things that did change.
I don’t spend AS MUCH girlfriend time as once I did. (Yet I COULD any time I want.)
I disclose purchases above a certain dollar figure since we share bank accounts.
And I DON’T leave my dirty tea cups around the house anymore as it drives him wonky.
All those things are really a no-brainer when I compare it to everything I gained once we married. Things I have to change or throw in the towel are compromises. There is a big difference between compromise and give up.
If you are confused involving the difference, this article may help.
It’s understandable that a lot of us mistake one for the other. If you’ve been in a relationship (or your parent’s role modeled one for you) where in fact the man is obviously ‘in charge then no wonder you have these philosophy. Controlling, narcissistic, self-centered men will expect you to sacrifice several of your pleasures and self-care and interests so you can give attention to THEM. And do what THEY want you to accomplish.
On the other hand, it may not be about the man’s desires at all. As women we can call it quits control of our own everyday lives all by ourselves.
That was another concern I had about being in a relationship: that i might lose my sense of self. That I would be so concerned about making him want me I would forget my needs and focus only on his.
Okay, listed here is the truth of all of it: it is ALL into the picking sibling.
As my wonderful client Suzanne explains in this video, it’s also about adult communication. (Btw, Suzanne is 63, and after 15 years of being single happens to be joyfully cohabitating utilizing the amazing man she met after doing my Love School program.)
What you think you’ll have to give up in a relationship? What sacrifices are you worried a man will expect from you? And where did you can get those philosophy? From your past or your parents?